I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The beer is more important than you right now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
