The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
