from now on my penis is your penis
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
