the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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