This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
