heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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