im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
