It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
