If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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