I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
