I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
