What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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