I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
