take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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