Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
