his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
