I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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