Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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