I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
