I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
