Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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