Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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