An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
