Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
