how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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