Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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