I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
