I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize