that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
