so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
