Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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