I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are the jesus of drinking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
