i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
