how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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