How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
