I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There r osticjed everywhere
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
