Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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