Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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