God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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