Got a toothbrush?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
