you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
