I'm lost and stupid without you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
