addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Send help, water and tortillas.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
