Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
