Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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