I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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