Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Come on in and take your pants off
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