Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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