What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize