There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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