i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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