For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
