She announced her abortion via fbk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
