I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
