Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
